Monday, 14 March 2011

Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail

I don’t know if this means my life dreams, or my sleeping dreams. I’ll go with sleeping dreams.

My dreams used to be incredibly weird. Here are excerpts from my old livejournal, which were filed under the tag ‘i have weird dreams.’

I had a weird dream this morning in which I kept waking up from a dream, telling somebody about the dream, then waking up again and telling somebody, and basically this just kept repeating itself until I actually woke up. Like, I was waking up from dreams within dreams. It was so strange. Also, I did that thing again where I make myself wake up in real life by falling asleep in the dream. In the final one I was running along the road and I saw my friends in the distance, but for some reason I was worried about what would happen when I caught up with them, so I raced in front of them, laid on the floor and closed my eyes... and then woke up in real life. It was kind of amazing! But I really don't know how normal it is to be able to do that. I told my friend and she was like 'woah, that is fucking weird dude.' Is it?”

This is one of the most peculiar things about my sleeping brain… I quite often have semi-lucid dreams. I can’t control them, as such, but I’m aware sometimes that I am dreaming, and have on a few occasions managed to wake myself up from a dream by falling asleep in the dream.

“Oh I think this is hilarious so I'm going to tell you all - last night I had a dream that the degree I'm doing wasn't English with Creative Writing, but instead it was... wait for it... English with Creative Sandwich Making! No, seriously. So instead of fretting about having to write three poems, I was fretting about having to make three creative sandwiches! My brain is so, so odd.”

That’s just kind of funny, really.

“In Year 11, I had a recurring dream about missing the bus home at the end of school. In the dream I would be panicking, crying, running for the bus, and would feel completely empty and helpless when it drove away without me. The reason I missed the bus would usually be because I was trying to get to the bus lane on time, but people were walking really slow, getting in my way, not letting me past. I hated it, the feeling of struggle, and it always seemed so unfair that it was happening in my dreams. I would go to sleep to relax and the exact opposite would happen and I would wake up exhausted.

In Year 12, I had a recurring dream that I would get to college and then realise that I wasn't wearing any shoes. I've thought about this one and I think it could be something to do with the fact that while I went to school 5 minutes away from home, I then went to a college that was 40 minutes away, and maybe subconciously I was anxious about leaving something at home and not being able to get it. In these dreams, I would just be walking around and realise my bare feet. This would send me into a complete panic and I would usually either hide in an empty room or have some sort of emotional breakdown on the spot.

One of the strange things about these two dreams is that neither of these things, in real life, would have bothered me much. They certainly weren't things that I ever worried about, and as far as I can think, not things that have ever even happened. If I had missed the bus, I really don't think I would have cared. If I had forgotten my shoes, then oh well. Tesco sells shoes for like £4. I would have been alright. Still, I had these dreams often, and would wake up in the same state of panic and anxiety as in the dream.”

To this day I still have anxiety dreams which are set in my school dining hall. Issues? Probably. Lately I’ve been very subconsciously stressed. By this I mean that I’m not actively tearing my hair out, but I am in a constant state of stress about one thing or another, I’m not sleeping well, and I have bitten the skin off my fingers to a disturbing degree. So all my dreams are a manifestation of my stress, and they all consist of me struggling to get somewhere or do something, and I wake up in the morning feeling utterly exhausted.

Cheery, eh?

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