MOVED

I am no longer here. Blogger did not work very well for me at all. I'm using Wordpress instead.

What Emily Did Next

They also had the blog name I originally wanted so everyone's a winner!

Last...

Last Cigarette: Friday. I drank a whole bottle of wine, I can’t help myself sometimes!

Last Alcoholic Drink: The aforementioned bottle of rose wine, and I’m drinking a mug of rum & coke right now.

Last Car Ride: We went for a meal the other week and my housemate drove us there.

Last Hug: Rich when he was leaving on Sunday morning.

Last Time You Cried: A few weeks ago I was feeling a little miserable and had a few cries.

Last Library Book: The Situation of the Novel by Bernard Bergonzi, A Vain Conceit by David John Taylor, Millions Like Us by Jenny Hartley, and English Fiction of the early modern period by Douglass Hewitt. Researching for essays is FUN!

Last book bought: I bought The Hours by Michael Cunningham and Between the Acts by Virginia Woolf off Amazon.

Last Book Read: The last book I finished was Animal Farm by George Orwell.

Last Movie Seen in Theatres: Black Swan. It made me feel a bit sick watching it on the big screen because of how wobbly and shaky it was, and also I didn’t like the gory bits on a big screen.

Last Movie Rented: Mr Nice, which was really good, and Valentine’s Day, which isn’t exactly spectacular but is a nice feel-good film. It’s bloody LONG, though, so I enjoyed watching it in the comfort of my front room where I can make a cup of tea and lie down if needs be, rather than in the cinema where at one point I considered leaving because my arse had gone completely numb.

Last Cuss Word Uttered: I say frick quite a lot, because I used to say fuck quite a lot and I’m in the process of making myself more polite society appropriate.

Last Beverage Drank: Other than my rum, I had a cup of orange & lotus flower green tea.

Last Food Consumed: I had soup and a pitta bread, a Caramac ice cream, and a Pink Lady apple.

Last Crush: I don’t really do crushes, and not even because I have a boyfriend. I find people attractive and I find them charming, but I haven’t got properly hung up on anyone for many years. Other than my boyfriend, to state the obvious, but even with him it was never a case of ‘having a crush’.

Last Phone Call: I rang home and discussed many things. Who to use as a reference on my CV, the fact that my mum hates shopping with my little sister because she is awkward and picky, whether my sister would like to enter a competition to win a tour of the Royal Observatory with Prof Brian Cox, and a variety of other strange family related things. That’s ‘strange family’, not ‘strange, family’, just by the way ;)

Last E-mail you wrote: I sent my friend Holly a copy of my CV, so I essentially just attached my CV and wrote ‘here you go x’.

Last TV Show Watched: Peep Show! I’m watching Hot Fuzz now.

Last Band You Saw: Biffy Clyro were at my uni ball last year, but I was suffering from some sort of food poisoning/general bug that night, so I felt less than enthused about it.

Last Time Showered: This morning. I felt like I couldn’t be productive after a shower. Then I had to lounge around doing post-shower activities for a while. Then I had to drink coffee and eat a sandwich. Then I realised I had a lack of fruit in my life so I had to go to the shop to buy fruit. Then I had to watch Friends. Then, I don’t know what happened. Today has been a waste.

Last Shoes Worn: Pale pink ballet flats.

Last Item Bought: On my excursion to the shops I bought an avocado, a red pear, some pink lady apples, some courgettes, a lettuce, a jar of rogan josh curry sauce, some naan breads, some cans of diet coke, some lemon sole goujons and some Caramac ice cream bars. The greengrocer brings out my inner health-foodie and I want to buy every single vegetable in the place and subsist on an entirely plant-based diet. Then, the frozen food shop brings out my inner chav, and I want to eat chicken dippers and maybe throw some mushy peas on the side for nutrition, and wash it down with a gallon of cherryade. I have to juggle these aspects of my personality.

Last Annoyance: My mum kept trying to tell me some important information on the phone but the line kept going crackly.

Last Soda Drank: Diet pepsi.

 Last Words Spoken: ‘See you in the morning’ to my housemate as she abandoned me halfway through Peep Show.

Last Ice Cream Eaten: CARAMAC ICE CREAM. It was heavenly.

Last Webpage Visited: Facebook. What a loser!

What I've been doing lately

Reading. Between novels I’m studying, reference books about the novels I’m studying, the odd book ‘for fun’ that I can cram in, my old lecture notes, my own writing, the odd blog, old magazines, emails, texts, I’m just overrun with words at the moment! At the moment I’m reading The Day of the Triffids.

Assignments. Before May 20^th I need to have written a 2500 word essay on the nature of contemporary fiction, a 2000 word essay on communities under pressure in 1930s literature, a 3000 word essay on the opposition between the country and the city in 1930s literature, a 5000 word creative writing portfolio, a 1500 word experimental writing portfolio and a 1000 word commentary on it. I feel exhausted just typing that all up! I have it all in hand at the moment so the panic has not set in yet, and I just keep chipping away at it as best I can.

Lectures and seminars. The last ones, ever! The realisation that I’m not coming back to uni next year hasn’t hit me yet.

Cooking. I’ll be Nigella before you know! I made some lovely red lentil & chickpea soup, which is possibly one of the most filling things ever. I have a healthy appetite, shall we say, and yet I ate an average sized bowl of this soup without any bread and wasn’t hungry for the next six hours. Result, considering I had a long day in uni and always resent paying for food on campus. I also made some simple but truly delicious pasta, which is quite something considering pasta is usually something I fail at, and something I had resigned myself to eating either plain or with shop bought pesto. I used tagliatelle, the sauce was just Philadelphia melted with a decent dollop of grainy mustard, with mushrooms and onions fried in butter and garlic. I accept any accusations that this dish is simple, boring and perhaps not incredibly healthy. All I know is that I made it to use things up and only made a little bit expecting it to taste a bit sad, and ended up making the same thing two days later! In sad food news, my boyfriend and I cooked together the other weekend. We were having steak and he insisted on cooking them, what with being a man and all that. I asked for mine medium rare. I like it bloody. What he served me was a pretty fine example of a well done piece of meat. Now I’m no steak snob, I take what I’m given and at the end of the day, it’s a honking great slab of meat, I can’t complain too much! But I was a bit disappointed with this as I had been dreaming about my bloody steak for days. Also I’ve been eating an impressive amount of takeout. Bad Emdawg! Slap my wrists indeed. Also today I bought a red pear which I’m really rather excited about!

Socialising. By which I mean going out and getting drunk. I can’t let essays be my entire life! I went to a rock & indie club night which was impressively priced - £1 in, £1 vodka and coke, £1 Sambuca – but a bit dire due to the fact that I requested a song and the DJ refused it on the grounds that ‘it’s not indie enough.’ Vom. We witnessed a man run out of the club and halfway up the street, pursued by bouncers, and eventually saw him being tackled to the ground by another grown man, and carried back to the club in a headlock. We later learned that he had pulled the taps off the sinks in the toilets and purposely flooded them. What a horrible creature he must be. I went to a White Trash themed house party, at which I looked phenomenal, obviously. At this party I had a wonderful time, except for an unfortunate incident in which I was dancing on a sofa with a friend, she fell over and fell into me, I fell off the couch, my hand fell in the doorframe and my body fell against the door, effectively trapping my own hand in the door with a considerable amount of force. This incident involved a great deal of blood and over a week later my middle finger is still swollen up like a sausage.



Where ma bitchez at?



My unscathed and chavtastic hands, before 'the incident'.



Planning. I have planned a day trip to Whitby while I’m at home over Easter. I no longer have a car so I’m going to sweet talk a friend into driving. I want to paddle, write my name in the sand, go on the Captain Cook boat ride, go to the Dracula Experience, climb the 199 steps, walk under the whalebone arch, eat fish and chips, play on the penny arcades, and buy some tat. I have a bit of a thing about Whitby. I am also slowly forming an action plan for my post-graduation life. My most exciting plan is my little ‘cultural excursion’ (not a holiday!) to Italy in August. So far, we have booked flights, and this is all. We know that we’re flying to Rome and flying back from Venice, and we’re there for 10 days, and we want to visit Pompei, Florence, and Verona. I want to touch Juliet’s boob. We also want to eat as much gelato as humanly possible, especially from Grom while we’re in Venice. We’re going to stay in youth hostels in every place other than Pompei, where this is a particular hotel we’d like to stay in and will spring a bit more money for, and we’re going to travel by train. I’m trying to master a very basic level of conversational Italian in order to not be the Brit Abroad who asks everyone to speak English for her. So far I know such gems as ‘Sono un po’ubriaca’, which means ‘I’m a little drunk’, and ‘Per favore mi lasci in pace’, meaning ‘Please leave me alone.’ What more does a 21 year old lush need to know?

Shopping. Too much damn shopping! Until further notice the only clothes I am allowed to buy are going to be my dress for the End of Year Ball and related accessories, casual shoes for sunny day wearing, and some wide leg/palazzo trousers. Not the really ridiculous ones, but want to swish a little bit when I walk. Some beautiful things I have bought lately include a tribal print maxi dress from H&M, a playsuit from H&M (don’t mock! It’s comfy, summery, and means I only have to pick one thing to wear on a busy morning) and some beige trousers from Dorothy Perkins.

Job hunting. I dislike job hunting. I dislike job adverts. I dislike my CV. I dislike being unemployable.

Right now I am drinking Morgans Spiced rum & coke and watching Peep Show. This is the life.

x

Tales of woe.

My laptop contracted a big bad virus which shouted bad words at me, so I took it to the shop and was told that all could be done was to wipe it and start all over again. So this is what I did, thinking 'I don't think I have anything important on there that I haven't backed up.'

Turns out my 30 day challenge document for here was saved and is not backed up, and I honest to god do not remember where I saved it from in the first place. Also my camera is broken. Also I'm snowed under with essays yet again - for the very last time though!

Life is difficult for a 3rd year English student! Woe is me!

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail

Spectacular views.

Ice palaces.

Mine shafts.

Birds wearing top hats on turrets.

The fiery depths of hell.

Naked ladies.

Bears playing cards.

A 20th birthday with amazing things and amazing people!

All pictures except the last one taken at The Forbidden Corner. The last one taken at my house. I hope my 21st birthday will be just as fun, although I may have to drink less as I'm hoping to fly to Italy the next day!

x

Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail

My favourite memory is, perhaps quite tragically, not real.

My family and I are having a picnic in a big green field on a sunny day and I’m playing on a space hopper.

My mum tells me that I never once played on a space hopper in her presence, meaning I probably made this memory up. 

Another nice memory is my dad reading The Tyger by William Blake to me as a child.

Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail

As with my first love story, this is completely unspectacular. I was at a local live music festival, boogying away, and a boy came and danced near me. I was 15, which is my excuse for being this immature: I told him my friend fancied him and then boogied away. Yep. Real smooth. He told my friend that he in fact fancied me, and this news got back to me, and hell, I don’t know, he bought me a pint of cider and we ended up kissing outside Lloyds TSB. He then snuck me into a pub that was IDing, by putting his arm round me and simply saying, ‘she’s with me.’ Ah, I had a momentary taste of the high life that night, apparently. He then bought me a pint of Diesel and continued to kiss me. He was shorter than me. I kept opening my eyes while he was kissing me, and seeing that all my friends were laughing hysterically at the awkward height difference. I remember feeling smothered by him kissing me, as though I was going to suffocate even though I was breathing through my nose.  We swapped numbers. He rang me the next morning and I ignored his call. I then ignored all his texts.

It could have been something beautiful… but it really was not. With the height difference it was likely doomed from the start.

*

I wrote this a week ago and have just read it over and realised one important thing – ‘he […] continued to kiss me’, ‘while he was kissing me’, ‘smothered by him kissing me.’ I’d like to point out that I was a willing participant in said kissing, even if I clearly didn’t enjoy it all that much. I was young(er) and stupid(er).

Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail

I don’t know if this means my life dreams, or my sleeping dreams. I’ll go with sleeping dreams.

My dreams used to be incredibly weird. Here are excerpts from my old livejournal, which were filed under the tag ‘i have weird dreams.’

“I had a weird dream this morning in which I kept waking up from a dream, telling somebody about the dream, then waking up again and telling somebody, and basically this just kept repeating itself until I actually woke up. Like, I was waking up from dreams within dreams. It was so strange. Also, I did that thing again where I make myself wake up in real life by falling asleep in the dream. In the final one I was running along the road and I saw my friends in the distance, but for some reason I was worried about what would happen when I caught up with them, so I raced in front of them, laid on the floor and closed my eyes... and then woke up in real life. It was kind of amazing! But I really don't know how normal it is to be able to do that. I told my friend and she was like 'woah, that is fucking weird dude.' Is it?”

This is one of the most peculiar things about my sleeping brain… I quite often have semi-lucid dreams. I can’t control them, as such, but I’m aware sometimes that I am dreaming, and have on a few occasions managed to wake myself up from a dream by falling asleep in the dream.

“Oh I think this is hilarious so I'm going to tell you all - last night I had a dream that the degree I'm doing wasn't English with Creative Writing, but instead it was... wait for it... English with Creative Sandwich Making! No, seriously. So instead of fretting about having to write three poems, I was fretting about having to make three creative sandwiches! My brain is so, so odd.”

That’s just kind of funny, really.

“In Year 11, I had a recurring dream about missing the bus home at the end of school. In the dream I would be panicking, crying, running for the bus, and would feel completely empty and helpless when it drove away without me. The reason I missed the bus would usually be because I was trying to get to the bus lane on time, but people were walking really slow, getting in my way, not letting me past. I hated it, the feeling of struggle, and it always seemed so unfair that it was happening in my dreams. I would go to sleep to relax and the exact opposite would happen and I would wake up exhausted.

In Year 12, I had a recurring dream that I would get to college and then realise that I wasn't wearing any shoes. I've thought about this one and I think it could be something to do with the fact that while I went to school 5 minutes away from home, I then went to a college that was 40 minutes away, and maybe subconciously I was anxious about leaving something at home and not being able to get it. In these dreams, I would just be walking around and realise my bare feet. This would send me into a complete panic and I would usually either hide in an empty room or have some sort of emotional breakdown on the spot.

One of the strange things about these two dreams is that neither of these things, in real life, would have bothered me much. They certainly weren't things that I ever worried about, and as far as I can think, not things that have ever even happened. If I had missed the bus, I really don't think I would have cared. If I had forgotten my shoes, then oh well. Tesco sells shoes for like £4. I would have been alright. Still, I had these dreams often, and would wake up in the same state of panic and anxiety as in the dream.”

To this day I still have anxiety dreams which are set in my school dining hall. Issues? Probably. Lately I’ve been very subconsciously stressed. By this I mean that I’m not actively tearing my hair out, but I am in a constant state of stress about one thing or another, I’m not sleeping well, and I have bitten the skin off my fingers to a disturbing degree. So all my dreams are a manifestation of my stress, and they all consist of me struggling to get somewhere or do something, and I wake up in the morning feeling utterly exhausted.

Cheery, eh?

Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail

Black vest from H&M. Wardrobe staple.
Black and white stripy skirt from H&M. The sun was shining but it wasn't exactly beating down on me so I thought I'd wear this in order to feel summery but not freeze.
Scarf, Sheffield market.
I added a long yellow charity shop cardigan, not pictured, and cream ballet pumps. 


Later on in the day I changed into gym clothes, which consist of a long vest, three quarter leggings and trainers. I then changed into blue pyjamas, a white vest, and a white cardigan for bed.

Day 13 – This week, in great detail

I’ve been an all round bad human this week, and I’d like to think this week does not serve as a representative cross section of my life, so I refuse to go into great detail.

Monday. Assignment. Egg explosion. Grapefruit is not good. Wine. Macarena. Takeout delivery driver called me a bitch.

Tuesday. Hangover. Skive. Free box of food from Graze.com. Bloody awful. No hot water. Shower at a friend’s house. Food shop. Pomegranate and cantaloupe melon. Chat on the phone to my mum. Happy.

Wednesday. Assignment. Spend 40 minutes washing up. Hot water comes back on. Very little else.

Thursday. Collect an essay. 63! Happy, but I could have done better. Try to collect another essay. It’s not there. Get annoyed with the peculiar man in the English office, as usual. Work on assignment. Lecture on 1930s literature. Work on assignment. Seminar on 1930s literature. Walk home in the freezing cold. Talk to my father on the phone and all he has to talk to me about is Peter Kay. Split pea and bacon soup made by my own fair hand. Finally finish assignment. Almost weep with sheer relief.

Friday. Woken up at 5 in the morning by drunken friend on the phone. Panic because I think it is morning already. Wake up again feeling very grumpy around 10. Shower. Eat sardines on toast. Resolve to eat sardines more often. Hand in assignment. Feel the usual strange sense of shame and helplessness as I watch it fall into the drop box, where I cannot rectify any mistakes. Resist the usual urge to go over the Word documents with a fine toothcomb to find a mistake and worry over it. Get books out from the library. Go to the gym. 30 minutes on the exercise bike, 20 minutes on the treadmill and some weights exercises. Go home. Eat Covent Garden cauliflower spinach and coconut soup. Delicious. Eat a wide variety of other somewhat strange things over the course of the evening – a banana with peanut butter, a kiwi, half a cantaloupe melon, a handful of cherry tomatoes, cream crackers with butter and Wensleydale cheese, and Twiglets.

Saturday: Going to get caught up on work. Eat some more delicious soup. Go out to Spiders on the night.

Sunday: Boyfriend is visiting. We’re going to eat burgers and Easter eggs and have an early night watching The Big Bang Theory. We know how to live.

I have so much more planned for next week! Bad week for this question to crop up.